( Writer’s note: Edited by Abha Mehra)
Insecurity is one of the most basic and certainly the most dangerous emotions experienced by almost every person that has ever lived. It is a grey phase of the human attachment. Anger, jealousy and anguish branch out from this inevitable feeling.
It is no secret that lack of trust gives birth to the inescapable insecurity. Ah, and you know what accelerates the process of insecurity? Overthinking. The best way to describe overthinking is to say that it is that process where the mind is forced to think about the things which have almost zero probability of taking place in reality.
I always felt that the main reason for being insecure is the lack of expression of one’s feelings. The plethora of feelings enslave us to this over-consuming state of being. Due to those feelings we tend to think: ‘If I tell him these things, will it upset him?’ ‘He never tells me anything. Should I ask myself?’ ‘Is it alright if I confide into her?’ ‘Is she going to leave me if I fail to meet her demands?’
I wonder, why do these type of questions arise? These are just due to feelings; feelings that develop into questions and the worst part is we think of all those questions but we never ask them. They just stay buried deep inside. They settle in and haunt our conscience. Taunt us both consciously and subconsciously.
Very often I have heard that feelings are meant to be expressed and not to be questioned. Questions are meant to be asked and not to be stored. And the questions that are not asked give birth to unsolicited thoughts which lead us to the insecure state of being. Sounds sorted, doesn’t it?
Not to forget, the biggest evil is expectations. We human beings are always tied with the bond of expectations. Granted, we are not saints but there should always be a break point to expectations. Expectations creep in when we do things for the person we are attached to or the one we love. As selfless as it may seem, but somewhere there is an unconscious selfish motive i.e. to justify our feelings for that person. So indirectly we do things for ourselves but we say we are supporting altruism. So for every piece of sacrifice we do, we expect the same from the opposite person. Why? What remains of sacrifice if we expect something in return? And when we don’t get anything in return we end up getting hurt. We think people are taking us for granted and do not respect our efforts. We think we are not appreciated. We end up feeling insecure about that relationship. We feel there is nothing that matches up the pristine act of sacrifice. But then why are we still unsatisfied? Have we ever wondered?
Like aforementioned jealousy is one of the results of insecurity, which well kind of leads up to possessiveness. Jealousy and possessiveness always run neck to neck. When we get jealous of relations concerned to any person with whom we are attached, we start getting possessive. In the same way when we start getting possessive, we tend to get jealous.
It is all so twisted and to be honest, makes me nauseous.
How can we get rid of all these acidic things? This pretense? This self doubting aspect in existence? The only answer that I can think of is to develop an identity divorced of any other element. Why to complicate things when it is all so simple? Why to add extra elements when the world can run on just two elements? Express things, start accepting the things and go a little gentle over things that do not support your soul.
In some ways this portrays insecurity as a black phase, but it is not all black you see. It is grey because the only and probably the most important aspect is that we learn that we are bound to feel things that might make us uneasy or are not according to our initial plan. We can’t ignore this. We have to accept it and live with it. We can never destroy it because we are addicted to worldly pleasure. We just have to let go the fear of losing, fear of things that won’t happen and that will lessen our insecurity.
Let us just learn from each distinctive experience and person. As at the end of the day, we learn to live and we live to learn