Abrupt and weird

Okay, see it may seem very abrupt and weird. You know there is something with me.
I have lots of suppressed feelings of not so important problems but they are contained in it.
I am not strong to hold myself at every point of time. I fail and I hate the fact that I fail. That brings more negativity in me every time it happens.
I am suffering severe dual personality problems.
Like these days literally, I see my two personalities talking to each other. Like I know I always had but now that it is very difficult for me to maintain the stability between them.
I wonder all the time about it.
I see people in love. I feel things so strongly now that the feeling of love and the feeling to be someone special kills me inside.
I need to remind myself, again and again, I am losing my integrity.
I am losing myself.
Slowly I am drawing towards suicide. I literally go through my friend list to talk to them in spite of knowing I have friends who can die for me.
I have pending work, a lot of work actually but what I do is I keep them aside and prefer sleeping.
And again the next day I wake up, wear a smile, be there as normal as I can, I manage the integrity and night again kill myself knowing the fact. It was normal until the time it speaks with you.
Today what happens is if I tell you I fucking hate you. I need to figure out which of my personality spoke it.
That is bad, very very bad.


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