Meanwhile, in all those serious conversations, we really forgot to watch the people around us. There was a typical couple who was intentionally too busy in making noise. For me, that was just little annoying, but for Kavisha Shah, it was like someone entering her territorial boundary. She turned her face towards them with her big scary eyes and polite voice she said, “Can you please lower your noise pollution.” Well, there was a kind of order hidden in her polite voice. I do not mind it unless it gives me enough entertainment.
Her words printed a very strong impression on my mind. Moreover, it made me realize the amount of ego and frustration I have in me.
At times, there were days when we use to meet daily as for us it is a mandatory thing and at times days coming when we cannot meet because anyone from us is busy. In most of the cases, I was always the one.
There came a phase in my life where I saw I hardly any have any friends left. Either they went to the States or some other countries and some of them were left behind due to work commitments. This thing was enough to give me a hint, a hint of fear. Due to that fear, my insecurity of losing the one I have increased. It was nothing to do with the trust. It was a problem with my mind which I got to solve.
Meanwhile, even Kavisha’s brother was suffering from dengue. She gave a call that I am going to the hospital and after that, we will sit for some time outside CCD. Cafe Coffee Day on IIM Road is generally where we sit and do all kinds of gossip or talk deep shit. Well, for a change she picked me up and we went to the hospital. She met her brother, took her Kurtis and we were heading to CCD.
The thing was, this insecurity was eating my head and it has been a long time since I know her and somewhere a very short time that we actually developed such a good relation. In my head, I had this confusion that whether I should tell her about my insecurity or not? Will she feel bad or will she think that I do not trust her? All these questions were testing my patience and that made my mind run in a very different direction.
On our way, we were gossiping about school and college incidents when she just said, “AREYYY!! Swapna is bae.” My sense lost its control and I asked her directly, “Kavisha, where do I stand on your priority list.”
Initially, she didn’t get what I asked. Her expression of confusion was clearly visible on her face. Meanwhile, we reached CCD. Now, let me tell you we are the most useless people one can ever meet. We just go to CCD, order a mineral water bottle at times and sit for hours.
Gathering some strength I told her that I will elaborate what I said just now. The thing is, “Look, child, I just want to know where I stand on your priority list. I know this is not the kind of question I should ask but for me at this point in time, it is very important. I am getting this feeling of insecurity as I feel I have lost my friends to quite an extent. I do not have the strength to lose even one more friend of mine. The reason behind this is I feel emotions and things very deeply; and you are someone who means a lot to me. I feel lucky to be sitting with you here and I will love to do so as long as we are here in the same city. The sole reason that I am asking you is because you have a very good social life to which mine is nothing. There are high chances that we are not on the same page and that is totally okay. I am asking it because I do not form unnecessary expectations from you.”
I thought she will get angry at me and even might be a little disappointed. However, what she said me; make me love her more even today.
She told me, “Look Vyom, I know you and understand you. I can empathize with your insecurity. I won’t say it is justified but never keep anything in your mind. You do mean a lot Vyom. If I was to set a benchmark or line of distinction for my friends, you will always be above that line. You are just like Kashish and Manushi. In fact, I always prefer to spend time with you and not with them. You see something in me which they do not see.”
I was just staring at her blankly and that annoyed her. She waved in front of my eyes and asked,” OYEE BC!! Does that make sense to you?”
I was satisfied and the insecurity got reduced to quite an extent. I apologized for the same and even today KAVISHA, when you are reading thing, I wish to tell you sorry once again. It does sound bad no?
I will not say thank you for understanding, instead I will say I wish someday one day I can be as understanding as you at least in some matters.
To be continued