Just the 3 am feelings

We always tell that nights are the most peaceful time. My friends tell me that it is so peaceful that they just study at night and others say we love to hang out in and around the city during midnight. However, I do not speak when they are talking about the night as I am the one who is afraid of it.

I find nights scary especially that part of the night when it is so furious and make me scream loud. From last few day, I was suffering from insomnia and whenever I try to sleep I have some dreams that depict the half truth of my life. Suddenly I wake up, I see myself sweating and the very first thing I do is to have one glass of water. Then I open my cell phone to see that I have got any inbox message and I see there are no messages.

I feel alone as it is already 3 am in the night and I have no one to talk to. I feel scared as my thoughts haunt me. I go to my terrace and sit there for a while wondering that what am I doing with my life. Nevertheless, reality hits me so hard that I feel like running away from it.

Life at 3 am questions me that you made yourself so reserved you do not have anyone to talk when you need the most. It questions me that you crave for love but do you love yourself? It tells me that you say you do not want respect but when you get it your ego feels so good, why is it so? If at 3 am the time is so peaceful why is it holding me?

I feel like someone is holding me and stopping me from running away from reality. Like every human, even I need an escape from the reality. Why I need to hold on? In the end, I accepted the fact that I do not have any option but to face the reality.

The very next day I purposely kept an alarm of 3 o’clock. However, it really didn’t matter as I was awake the whole night staring at the watch. As always reality has a habit of arriving 5 minutes early. I waved like I am just waiting for its arrival and for a change this time I was not afraid.

I went to my terrace and this time I was not sweating. Reality told me,” I am not your enemy. I just want you to realise certain things that are too important. Further adding to it, it said that you have to let go of certain things in order to be happy. What you are expecting from me or your life is not wrong but if things were that simple then there will not be any difference between me and a fairy tale. I am here to teach how to live and find a drop of happiness in this ocean of sadness. I am not here to scare but to tell you to face the truth. ”

“You are so much into finding the answers to your questions and getting reasons for each and every answers. There is nothing wrong in it but on the journey to find answers do not go hard on yourself. At times there is an easy way out. You have to find your way out. I do feel bad when you scream or crave for the love you deserve. However, you have to accept that the kind of love you demand is very rare. There will come a time when in your life when you will be tired. I guess it has already arrived. Your sleepless nights is the reason of your depression. Your depression made me come to you every night like some ghost. I had no option but to hold you because the dreams which you were living may ruin you. They were so strong if you see from the perspective of emotions.”

To be continued…


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