The Contradiction Of Delusion Is Another Delusion

In the end, I end up thinking is there any middle way? However, if I cut a false belief in two halves, it will just multiply. So now, instead of making choice of right and wrong, I will have 2 more perceptions i.e. to find right in wrong and vice versa.

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What is wrong? What is right? Whose perception is more substantial than other? Who is better than whom? Why do we objectify these things when they are very subjective in nature. However, I am a person who is wavering through all these things and trying to make sense out of it.

For me, everything I hear or see feels the same. As soon as I try to categorize them, I feel like I am swaggering in the middle of the wooden bridge. When I make the choice of staying on one side of the bridge, the other end restricts my entry permanently and vice versa. By taking the side of the bridge I refer to my perception of right and wrong. And if I try to present them with reasons, all of sudden it no longer remains subjective.

Lately, I realise that selecting one side of the bridge is a delusion—a delusion which is intentionally created in order to make you feel guilty, anxious or even satisfied at times. However, the question is why do we always fall into the trap of this fallacy? Or are we forced to be a part of it? The mystery still lies in the philosophy of taking the stand of one thing.

We have always been told that you should tell what you feel. However, when you express the things, there is no guarantee that it will be taken in a good manner. It will be subjective from the point of view of the person to whom it is addressed. It is just like selecting one ice cream from two flavors which you hate equally. Yes, I suffer because of this, as it feels very contradictory in general and trying to find contradiction to this contradiction makes me fall into a greater version of delusion.

This delusion is the delusion of choice—the delusion where I think I have more than one choice. And if you fall into this trap, then the only way out is either take the beating or make no choice. Because how can you choose from something that is merely a false belief. A belief about which you know nothing. It is like you are in 6th std and you are sent to IIT tuitions so that you will crack JEE exams. It is delusion which contradicts the false belief of clearing JEE exams.

In the end, I end up thinking is there any middle way? However, if I cut a false belief in two halves, it will just multiply. So now, instead of making choice of right and wrong, I will have 2 more perceptions i.e. to find right in wrong and vice versa. This even complicates things to an extent that it is not possible to get out.

The mind says the only way to get out of this is too fucking not take any part in the game of right or wrong, truth or lie, reality, and fantasies or examining the efficacy of the substantiality of matter. Nevertheless, here principles come in between and tell how can you just run away from making a decision? Now, this is not a delusion, but it is a conscious effort to contradict all the contradiction of delusions in the name of principles and decisions. The conscious effort is again the subjective part of your mind which tells you to believe that your decisions are objective in nature.

In the end, I decided to take a vote, a vote which tells me to what extent I should fall into the trap of delusions. This again contradicts the theory of life and it goes on…

 

 

The Rise And Fall Of A Writer – 1

It is very often said that a person undergoes the best and worst times of their life at a certain stage so that they can understand the importance of their existence. However, I was a person who never believed this philosophy. I am such a person who can feel his existence in every breath he takes. Neverhtheless, today, I fail to do so. I am neither a big personality nor a great writer but this is my story. A story of my rise and fall not just as a writer but even as a person.

My journey of being a writer started back in 2014 when I was a boy who was writing his tears. I never had any thoughts or dream to be a writer. I started writing as a process of evacuation of my feelings or probably to show my lost love of what I feel about her. That write-ups neither had proper grammar or a sentence formation. They were just a rant of the teenage boy who wants things to function according to him.

However, I never realised when that amateur writing helped me to feel emotions so strongly. I was able to see emotions right through the person just like the light that passes through an object without reflection. I kept on writing and it was a year but I didn’t stop. The only improvements that happened in my writings were the concept and the content. I was in an impression that what I write is a good mixture of content and grammar.

With that impression in my mind, I thought of creating a blog in 2015 named Jharokha. Well, the same blog on which you are reading my story. I had hundred of thoughts of writing articles which are a mixture of philosophy and personal touch and the very first article I published was titled as the ‘That Abstract Feelings’. I also made a facebook page to showcase my work and also sent it to people to review it.

The criticism I faced was very shocking or rather I can say it was little disappointing. It all started with one person laughing on the content to the second person laughing on grammar. On the other side, I found few people telling me it was a nice article but when I asked Why you felt it was nice then there were no answers. I noted down some of the points in which they were laughing about and wrote one more piece. It turned out to be a disaster in terms of the concept. However, I found one or two people who actually appreciated the concept, content and even gave constructive feedback.

It is said that a writer has to keep an open mind when it comes to taking the ideas or criticism. I made sure I do that but as I kept on publishing the article, the criticism I use to get started decreasing. I saw my friends creating a joke out of it, putting the mistakes in the groups and laughing on it. I do not know but I started doubting myself during that point. Everytime, I picked up the pen I had second thoughts about writing. However, even with that trembling pen I didn’t stop writing my philosophies.

After 3 months, I met a woman named Abha Mehra in the NGO where I was working. She read my blog, provided me with honest reviews every time when I asked for. One day she called me to meet her and asked me, “Would you like to work and write with us for our online magazine? Though we cannot pay you.” I was very hesitant because of the way I saw my write-ups getting humiliated. In the end I said a big YES to her.

This is where my journey as a writer started. It was the phase where I started to learn how does one set the flow of an article, how does one use metaphors and most important part how can one create an article from a single idea or thought. Initially, it was very difficult and I was very under confident about the work I used to do. Moreover, I saw the other team members talking and sharing their views. To be honest, I was scared on seeing their confidence and approach they have but I tried to absorb good things from them. These helped me to learn many things especially the content execution and to some extent even grammar. The first article that went on board was the “Transformation – An Inevitable Journey”.  

I was very nervous when the article was published but when Akash told me that it worked really well, there was a moment where I was regaining my confidence as a writer. Abha was the one who edited it and after it, I saw people actually loved it. Abha always told me that my strong point is content and make sure that it is never compromised. I always use to tell her that I write for myself and no one else.

In these process of writing on my blog and Mind Mosaic, I realised my genre is Philosophy and I started writing on individualism and ideal man theory. The second article was titled as “The Masterpiece”. There was no looking back and the graph of my write-ups started increasing. Meanwhile, in the midst of this process, I got addicted to…

to be continued…

Dakota – Episode 3

Meanwhile, in all those serious conversations, we really forgot to watch the people around us. There was a typical couple who was intentionally too busy in making noise. For me, that was just little annoying, but for Kavisha Shah, it was like someone entering her territorial boundary. She turned her face towards them with her big scary eyes and polite voice she said, “Can you please lower your noise pollution.” Well, there was a kind of order hidden in her polite voice. I do not mind it unless it gives me enough entertainment.

Her words printed a very strong impression on my mind. Moreover, it made me realize the amount of ego and frustration I have in me.

At times, there were days when we use to meet daily as for us it is a mandatory thing and at times days coming when we cannot meet because anyone from us is busy. In most of the cases, I was always the one.

There came a phase in my life where I saw I hardly any have any friends left. Either they went to the States or some other countries and some of them were left behind due to work commitments. This thing was enough to give me a hint, a hint of fear. Due to that fear, my insecurity of losing the one I have increased. It was nothing to do with the trust. It was a problem with my mind which I got to solve.

Meanwhile, even Kavisha’s brother was suffering from dengue. She gave a call that I am going to the hospital and after that, we will sit for some time outside CCD. Cafe Coffee Day on IIM Road is generally where we sit and do all kinds of gossip or talk deep shit. Well, for a change she picked me up and we went to the hospital. She met her brother, took her Kurtis and we were heading to CCD.

The thing was, this insecurity was eating my head and it has been a long time since I know her and somewhere a very short time that we actually developed such a good relation. In my head, I had this confusion that whether I should tell her about my insecurity or not? Will she feel bad or will she think that I do not trust her? All these questions were testing my patience and that made my mind run in a very different direction.

On our way, we were gossiping about school and college incidents when she just said, “AREYYY!! Swapna is bae.” My sense lost its control and I asked her directly, “Kavisha, where do I stand on your priority list.”

Initially, she didn’t get what I asked. Her expression of confusion was clearly visible on her face. Meanwhile, we reached CCD. Now, let me tell you we are the most useless people one can ever meet. We just go to CCD, order a mineral water bottle at times and sit for hours.

Gathering some strength I told her that I will elaborate what I said just now. The thing is, “Look, child, I just want to know where I stand on your priority list. I know this is not the kind of question I should ask but for me at this point in time, it is very important. I am getting this feeling of insecurity as I feel I have lost my friends to quite an extent. I do not have the strength to lose even one more friend of mine. The reason behind this is I feel emotions and things very deeply; and you are someone who means a lot to me. I feel lucky to be sitting with you here and I will love to do so as long as we are here in the same city. The sole reason that I am asking you is because you have a very good social life to which mine is nothing. There are high chances that we are not on the same page and that is totally okay. I am asking it because I do not form unnecessary expectations from you.”

I thought she will get angry at me and even might be a little disappointed. However, what she said me; make me love her more even today.

She told me, “Look Vyom, I know you and understand you. I can empathize with your insecurity. I won’t say it is justified but never keep anything in your mind. You do mean a lot Vyom. If I was to set a benchmark or line of distinction for my friends, you will always be above that line. You are just like Kashish and Manushi. In fact, I always prefer to spend time with you and not with them. You see something in me which they do not see.”

I was just staring at her blankly and that annoyed her. She waved in front of my eyes and asked,” OYEE BC!! Does that make sense to you?”

I was satisfied and the insecurity got reduced to quite an extent. I apologized for the same and even today KAVISHA, when you are reading thing, I wish to tell you sorry once again. It does sound bad no?

I will not say thank you for understanding, instead I will say I wish someday one day I can be as understanding as you at least in some matters.

To be continued

 

I Belong To…

I was told that India has nothing to offer you. It cannot offer you a good salary, peace, and happiness. This country will not change. I was always asked why I love INDIA so much, what makes me feel so proud of being an INDIAN. So today I just decided to pen it down that why I am proud of belonging to the land of Gods. Today my identity is due to my country. It gave me the identity of being an Indian. The proud citizen with an individual identity that this nation gave me.  The identity, which I will take with me until my last breath.
The country where emotion lives, where you explore life, where love fills up your stomach and who teaches the world the principle of EKAM.
I belong to the country who gave the world the invention of zero without which our lacs and crores would have no value. I belong to the country who considers money as the form of goddess Lakshmi. If I talk about the contribution of India in the field of education it is indispensable. The world’s first university was established in 700 BC. More than 10500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The Buddhayana first calculated the value of PI and he explained the concept of now what is known as Pythagoras theorem. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India since 100 BC. Yes, I belong to the nation from where the algebra, trigonometric and the concept of quadratic equations were established.
I am the citizen of the country where people with more than 200 religions stays and still each of them have their individual identity. I belong to the country who fought for their independence for more than 150 years. I belong to the nation that gave birth to leaders like Subhash Chandra Bose and Vallabhbhai Patel. I belong to a place where Swami Vivekananda was born. I belong to a realm who gave the world the great scientists like Dr. Homi Bhabha.  The country who contributed to the world in the field of science, sports, space, politics, and the technology. I belong to the nation who gave the world the sports person like Sachin Tendulkar, M.S. Dhoni, Sushil Kumar, Pankaj Advani, Kapil Dev, Sania Mirza, and Major Dhyanchand etc. India gave the games like chess and Kabaddi to the world. Talking about politics, it gave the world a political leader like Sir Bajpai, Narendra Modi, Shashi Tharoor.

Talking about architecture, when the western culture was not yet developed, we Indians developed Indus valley civilization around 5000 years ago. It is the oldest civilization in the world. Indus valley civilization is then followed by Buddhist architecture and the Indian rock-cut architecture,  Dravidian architecture, Badami chalukya architecture and yes, how can I forget the Indo-Mughal architecture or the Mughal architecture. Tajmahal is one of the eight wonders of the world. I belong to the country where the architecture was the soul of people here and known all over the world.

I belong to that land who is one of the eight countries having the nuclear power. I belong to a country where the great Chanakya was born. I feel right in the nation that has the second largest army in this world. I belong to a country who gave the world the power of yoga and who celebrates peace. I belong to the biggest democracy of the world where the richest person and the poorest person are given equal rights. I belong to motherland that successfully launched the satellite at Mars, which has the most innovative technology. The USA, the super power of today has just 3.22 Millions of Indians in the USA that is 1.5 % of total Population. YET, 38% Of Doctors in the USA are Indians. 12% Scientists In The USA Are Indians. 36% Of NASA Scientists Are Indians. 34% Of Microsoft Employees Are Indians. 28% Of IBM Employees Are Indians. 17% Of INTEL Scientists Are Indians. CEO of PEPSI, CEO of GOOGLE and CEO of Microsoft is an INDIAN, We Indians reside in each and every corner of the world and yes not to forget are contributing tremendously in every sector.
I belong to a country where every week one festival is celebrated. The country where the essence of ancient culture is still preserved and known all over the world. The country that evolved and is evolving since last 5000 years.
Yes, I belong to the future superpower of the world. I belong to India, where the people who sleep on the pavement and the person who sleeps in a palace has the same identity. The land where 60 percent of people are farmers, who manage to provide food for 1.25 hundred crore people. I belong to the land where life exists and you can feel it in your each breath.
Some Quotes that makes me feel more proud to be an INDIAN.
“We Owe a Lot to the Indians, Who Taught Us How to Count, Without Which No Worthwhile Scientific Discovery Could Have Been Made”
–Albert Einstein.

“India Is The Cradle Of The Human Race, The Birthplace Of Human Speech, The Mother Of History, The Grandmother Of Legend And The Great Grand Mother Of Tradition”

–Mark Twain.

“If There Is One Place On The Face Of Earth Where All Dreams Of Living Men Have Found A Home From The Very Earliest Days When A Man Began The Dream Of Existence, It Is India”

–French Scholar Romain Rolland.
Today it might not be the super power, but yes ancient India was the richest country in the ancient times. In addition, today instead of saying India has nothing if we pursue and understand our responsibilities India can be the superpower very soon. It is always about working to our potential and not blaming the country for our bad.
Yes, I belong to INDIA.
JAI HIND.

Somewhere down the lane

There came a time in my life when I do not want giveup, I wish  to holdon, I want to make everything alright. However, in the end all I have to do was to giveup. I had to letgo. That day I realised that happiness is not always about holding any particular thing, but happiness is when you have to letgo that thing, matter or person for the happiness of person who is so concerned to you. Yes, I was sad, I cried, I nailed my head,I gave myself all the pain; the pain of losing my love. I still feel the same. There is no end and will never be any end of that pain; it will continue to rip me off.

I know all things around me will change by just one thing I say and I still need to say that, just for the sake of happiness, for peace of mind of someone I love. I get the feeling of happiness and on the same time much more pain of losing her. This feeling will shatter you.

All my things changed, my routine changed, I stopped talking; I started sleeping more; I started feeling lonely; I went mad but still when someone even speaks her name, all my senses come back to work and my eyes search for her, my ears wait desperately to hear her voice and then I realize that it was just an illusion I had.

All I was left with were some tears accompanying my pain and telling it’s okay we are here with you.When my cell phone beeps, I feel that it’s her call but I find it is of someone else. I just wish to throw my phone. Sometimes I think I should call her just because the feeling that scars me always is my conscience telling me Vyom what if she will never call or text you. For god’s sake  just call her,open your networking apps tell her everything. But what do I tell her?

When I hear her voice I just have that tears and that happiness realising she is okay and I just disconnect my call saying I will talk with you later. Nevertheless, what if I will never talk to her?Will she miss me like the way I miss her? Will she remember me that, yes this guy meant something to me? Will she ever call me back? This questions threatens me even in my worst dreams.
However, I get this feeling no matter what I will love her. Maybe we will meet sometime, someday, somewhere down the lane when the city is sleeping, the roads are lonely and she meets me so that I can express everything to her.

Tears

  • The World says “boys don’t cry,so he wrote his tears”. I always used to hide  my tears when people are around me. I have always said what I wish and want to do. However, I ended up doing things for others happiness. For me, the meaning of life was to sacrifice things for happiness,happiness of people around me. Life is too short to live for others, isn’t it? The moment I thought of myself, I started to hurt people around,not directly but by the unspoken words that I could hear. It was beginning of the phase where I started feeling guilty for the fact that I am hurting others,not only by words but by actions too. My mind stopped working,the words I utter just came out in the form of frustration;frustration that I kept inside for years.

    It leads me to think that really am I so selfish? I thought to do things for others never gave me happiness,in fact, I was going through the phase where my  mind was out of order. Yes, I suffered from rejection but that pain was never deeply smoothened,just because repeatedly I got to face it by being normal. I broke someone’s heart and I expected her to be normal. I expected her to talk with him ideally like she used to do.That was all due to my frustration, going in the wrong way. I needed someone to talk about all this,to hold my tears and say it is okay, you were not always wrong. Nevertheless, I was all alone, even my mind gave up.The only thought proceeding to my heart was relationships can never hurt so much. I blamed my principles for it. I was responsible for what I did. People joked about me, being sad all the time. I do provoked to that sentence too seriously. I wanted to tell them to try  living for others once.Try once living without saying no.We are not always right.The same person who was considering me as an ideal, went pass through me ,just so close indeed so far. I faced all of it alone, smiling  like a lone warrior.

    The world says I  am very weak,I am the destroyer of my emotions. I just want to convey it by saying, try living like me once and the world will never criticize anyone. I wanted to cry,to release all the things kept inside,but the world says “boys don’t cry”.So I wrote my tears.

Life of a Mechanical Engineering Student

Mechanical engineering, the only field in engineering in which  the ratio of boys to girls is like the ratio of cc of Lamborgini Aventador to that of  Bajaj Platina. However, mechanical engineers have never cared about this, as we believe in the concept of operating things with our hands or  the “automation process”.
A life of a mechanical engineer revolves around the subjects of designing, thermodynamics, a theory of machines, energy sources, heat transfer, fluid mechanics, operation research, refrigeration, HVAC, manufacturing and what not. In his four years of engineering he is trained in such a way that he can relate his entire life to the concepts of these subjects. He can solve every problem of yours with proper justification with valid reasons, but alas,  that’s never the case with his own problems.

 

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help with the content by Nikhil Patel

 
The life of a mechanical engineering student is as dull as the English of Pakistani players or  movies of Himesh Reshamiya. They are left horny  their whole college life. The only time they might hear a female voice is if  a Mathematics teacher  comes to take their class. Their life as  students passes in the workshop working with the lathe machine, welding or drilling or attending a couple of labs where they have no idea  what they need to do. If any student by chance makes a female friend, he ends up either completing her assignments or drawing sheets for her. I don’t understand why a girl doesn’t opt for mechanical engineering. Well, okay I do.  As a  mechanical engineering student, I feel like I have entered in a desert with no water.

 

Thermodynamics:

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Zeroth law, first law and the second law of thermodynamics ruined our life to such an extent that when my friend in one of our parties (yes we do have those occasionally)  asked me about why I was sweating, this was my reply :Heat from my body is transferred to the sweat. As the sweat absorbs more and more heat, it evaporates from my body, becoming more disordered and transferring heat to the air, which heats up the air temperature of the room. Many sweaty people in a crowded room that are a “closed system,” will quickly heat things up. This is both the first and second laws of thermodynamics in action: No heat is lost; it is merely transferred and approaches equilibrium with maximum entropy.
Operation Research:

 

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It is that subject which gives you the answer to every fucking shit that is happening around you. When I see someone at the petrol pump going to a  smaller queue leaving his/her place, I  view this as jockeying rather than seeing him as an impatient person.
When we are in a conundrum to decide which place  to meet which is closer to everybody and less time consuming ,  my only contribution will be : This is a clear transportation problem, let me give you my operation research book.

 

Heat and Mass transfer:

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The only thing which we could relate to the conduction process is sex. The heat and mass transfer through the direct exchange of bodies in proper contact, making it our all time favorite subject in engineering.

Fluid Mechanics:

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When I just want to dodge a serious conversation with someone;

“Hey, do you want to study the Bernoulli’s equation from my R.K. Bansal reference book”.

Refrigeration:

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The psychometry charts ruined our life to such an extent that sometimes I still see them at night. I like to refer to those periods of time as nightmares.

 

Designing:
How can I forget designing when it comes to mechanical engineering? The subject that starts and ends with assumptions. No matter how hard we try,  we always end up assuming 1 for the values that we don’t know.

I feel proud to have survived  mechanical engineering. But on a serious note, why  should  one select mechanical engineering? The only answer is he/she can create any shit that sounds impossible to humans.  Today, from a toothpaste making industry to making an airplane, everything is done by mechanical engineers. No matter how obnoxious we find them or how much we hate them, we cannot survive without them.

 

Best seller (Tale #8)

Title: Best seller

“Did your life come to an end?”

“No, but I do not have the enough strength to pursue it. I am not meant for engineering.”, he said

To which his conscience explained, “Sometimes you do not have to fit in the categories or live the way the prime movers wants. It is you as an individual, your call and your life; break the barriers and lead by an example.”

today his story is sold as the best seller.

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closure: Sometimes to do the things we wish, we need to step out, listen to our conscience and follow it. It might make us a misfit but the aftermath will just result into self satisfaction.