The Rise And Fall Of A Writer – 2

Did that phase where I was rising as a writer changed me? No, I was still the same during that phase. However, being an egoistic person there was a huge boost to my ego and it motivated me to write even better. 

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If you have missed the first part of The Rise And Fall Of A Writer, click here.


Meanwhile, in the midst of this process, I got addicted to my addiction to nicotine. I use to lock myself from the world so that I can write about the philosophies of living the idea of an individual being the heroic being. However, one thing I missed out on was me entering the zone from where coming out is a difficult task. I had so many things to write that I forgot to experiment.

I kept on drafting and drafting the articles on Mind Mosaic without thinking of when it will be published. I use to improve from article to article but now that when I go back to the times I see I could have improved better. Abha always gave me the feedback about what I can improve in the next article. She always made sure that I do not repeat my mistakes again. However, there were some mistakes that remained the same. The only reason for this because I drafted so many articles at once.

Slowly, I realised that I was swinging in middle of my theories in the articles and my principles on which I use to live. They were two conflicting parameters that made me trample in my journey of learning during the times of Mind Mosaic. I think I was too late in realising this mistake as I saw my alter ego parted ways with my conscience. I had to choose one way, whether to stop writing for some time or follow the philosophies I write about. I chose the latter one but here the question arises is was my decision right? What if I would have gone with the first option?

By this time, the only different article I tried was to write a movie review which focuses more on the content of the movie. That was not a very successful attempt and I again went back to my comfort zone that is philosophy. In all these chaos the one good thing that happened to me was the people around me started accepting me as a writer. The criticism turned into respect — respect for not giving up. Abha always told that your content is very niche and that is something I like about it. And I was finally seeing myself as a writer and the person who has achieved something. Though at an exponential rate but the graph of my articles was going up.

Did that phase where I was rising as a writer changed me? No, I was still the same during that phase. However, being an egoistic person there was a huge boost to my ego and it motivated me to write even better.

Meanwhile, between all these chaos my personal life continued to remain messy. I am the person who never had a stable personal life even though I had everything I wanted. In this phase, I forgot that people existed and I kept on working and smoking. Cigarettes were the only object who saw the terror while I use to write to the most vulnerable sufferings my conscience undergo in craving for love.

Why didn’t I chose to write about it? I asked these questions to myself many times. However, the only answer I got was all your write-ups are derived from the sufferings of your personal life and all your principles are the proof of why you are responsible for that sufferings. I can never thank Abha to how long she heard all of these and still having different ideology made sure I learn things in my own way, During Mind Mosaic, I found a best friend who was also the founder and younger than me. During this phase, I met some brilliant individuals with their own set of expertise in their areas. I consider myself lucky to meet Akash, Rushi and Aashna.

However, due to few reasons, Mind Mosaic failed and it came to an end. Does that make a difference?


to be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

The Rise And Fall Of A Writer – 1

It is very often said that a person undergoes the best and worst times of their life at a certain stage so that they can understand the importance of their existence. However, I was a person who never believed this philosophy. I am such a person who can feel his existence in every breath he takes. Neverhtheless, today, I fail to do so. I am neither a big personality nor a great writer but this is my story. A story of my rise and fall not just as a writer but even as a person.

My journey of being a writer started back in 2014 when I was a boy who was writing his tears. I never had any thoughts or dream to be a writer. I started writing as a process of evacuation of my feelings or probably to show my lost love of what I feel about her. That write-ups neither had proper grammar or a sentence formation. They were just a rant of the teenage boy who wants things to function according to him.

However, I never realised when that amateur writing helped me to feel emotions so strongly. I was able to see emotions right through the person just like the light that passes through an object without reflection. I kept on writing and it was a year but I didn’t stop. The only improvements that happened in my writings were the concept and the content. I was in an impression that what I write is a good mixture of content and grammar.

With that impression in my mind, I thought of creating a blog in 2015 named Jharokha. Well, the same blog on which you are reading my story. I had hundred of thoughts of writing articles which are a mixture of philosophy and personal touch and the very first article I published was titled as the ‘That Abstract Feelings’. I also made a facebook page to showcase my work and also sent it to people to review it.

The criticism I faced was very shocking or rather I can say it was little disappointing. It all started with one person laughing on the content to the second person laughing on grammar. On the other side, I found few people telling me it was a nice article but when I asked Why you felt it was nice then there were no answers. I noted down some of the points in which they were laughing about and wrote one more piece. It turned out to be a disaster in terms of the concept. However, I found one or two people who actually appreciated the concept, content and even gave constructive feedback.

It is said that a writer has to keep an open mind when it comes to taking the ideas or criticism. I made sure I do that but as I kept on publishing the article, the criticism I use to get started decreasing. I saw my friends creating a joke out of it, putting the mistakes in the groups and laughing on it. I do not know but I started doubting myself during that point. Everytime, I picked up the pen I had second thoughts about writing. However, even with that trembling pen I didn’t stop writing my philosophies.

After 3 months, I met a woman named Abha Mehra in the NGO where I was working. She read my blog, provided me with honest reviews every time when I asked for. One day she called me to meet her and asked me, “Would you like to work and write with us for our online magazine? Though we cannot pay you.” I was very hesitant because of the way I saw my write-ups getting humiliated. In the end I said a big YES to her.

This is where my journey as a writer started. It was the phase where I started to learn how does one set the flow of an article, how does one use metaphors and most important part how can one create an article from a single idea or thought. Initially, it was very difficult and I was very under confident about the work I used to do. Moreover, I saw the other team members talking and sharing their views. To be honest, I was scared on seeing their confidence and approach they have but I tried to absorb good things from them. These helped me to learn many things especially the content execution and to some extent even grammar. The first article that went on board was the “Transformation – An Inevitable Journey”.  

I was very nervous when the article was published but when Akash told me that it worked really well, there was a moment where I was regaining my confidence as a writer. Abha was the one who edited it and after it, I saw people actually loved it. Abha always told me that my strong point is content and make sure that it is never compromised. I always use to tell her that I write for myself and no one else.

In these process of writing on my blog and Mind Mosaic, I realised my genre is Philosophy and I started writing on individualism and ideal man theory. The second article was titled as “The Masterpiece”. There was no looking back and the graph of my write-ups started increasing. Meanwhile, in the midst of this process, I got addicted to…

to be continued…

I belong here… I belong to Lutalica

You know what?

Today, I wish to confess the most indeed beautiful moments of my life which helped me to become a writer and a part of a wonderful magazine named Lutalica. For others, it is a place where they can find articles to which they can relate. However, for me, it is place who gave me the identity of being a writer.

There comes a time in our life when we feel the need to share or express things so that we can feel our existence. For me, it was nothing different. I was at a stage where I badly wish to share things. I was suffocating inside as I felt a part of my identity refuses to fit into categories.I always felt that there is something more important than living your life is knowing the philosophy of it. However, there was no one to listen to it.

What happens if you fill the water in a bottle beyond its limit? It overflows right. Similarly, in my case, it started getting accumulated inside my heart, then my mind and in the end, there was no room for it to expand. I found no place where I can express myself.

Therefore before a year and a half, I started my blog. However, I never knew that it will end up in a disaster. There was no constructive criticism, there were no good debates about my content. All I faced was some known as well as unknown people either making fun of it or laughing on the way I write. I am someone who is always open to constructive criticism but at that moment I was sinking into depression. I was wondering whether I should continue writing or not? I started doubting my philosophies and my way of living. I started doubting myself.

One fine day, Abha called me and told me to meet her. When I went to meet her, she asked me, “Do you want to write for a magazine which I am planning to launch?” At that moment, I did not know what to answer as I always heard that I suck at my content and philosophy. I said yes to her. However, at that moment I was not able to gather enough strength to ask her that why she wants me to work for her.

This is how Lutalica happened to me. Lutalica gave identity to that part of mine, which do not fit into specific categories. It gave voice to my opinions, philosophy and respected me enough to tell the world proudly that yes, I am a writer. However, does it end here? No, when it comes to writing, whatever I learnt is because I got one chance to express myself. I got a platform where the people do not judge words and the idea to expressed are respected.

The foremost thing it taught me is when you write, write it for yourself. How can you give justice to your article when you are not satisfied with it. Yes, there were times when my article didn’t work. There were and there are times when they are so grammatically wrong. However, I was taught everything without and with criticism.

It has been more than 8 months that I am working for Lutalica as a part of the core committee member, but it seems like I have been associated with them since forever. We are not only great friends, but we are a family. Even, if one of us fall, there are four to hold you back. Somewhere, just telling one yes changed some of the major aspects of my life.

I have seen Lutalica growing and I have seen my dream of performing my work coming true because of Lutalica. I feel so proud to say yes, I am part of the organising team of Lutalica’s event. Well, now I am short of words.

Lastly, I just wish to say, I belong to a place where you do not need to fit in. I say I belong to a place where you can express and bring your soul to peace. I belong to Lutalica.